I cancelled Amazon Prime. It was about fifteen dollars a month. That is roughly one hundred and eighty dollars a year.
I have already spent it. Here is what I could buy instead.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
The pond behind the house is technically water. Donna says it is a drainage ditch. I say it is a body of water. I have seen ducks on it. Ducks do not land on drainage ditches. They land on lakes. This kayak is for two people. Donna can sit in the front. I will sit in the back and steer. We will have a conversation about our day. The conversation will be about why I bought a kayak.
about six thousand dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
This is for Donna. Her back hurts. She told me her back hurts. I am listening. A hot tub would fix that. I would also use it. But mostly her. I have measured the deck. The deck is not big enough. I will build a new deck. I do not know how to build a deck. I will learn. The hot tub comes first. The deck comes second. The permit comes whenever.
about eight hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.7.
I need to see the roof. I cannot see the roof from the ground. The drone can see the roof. If there is a problem with the roof, I will know about it. If there is no problem with the roof, I will have a drone. Donna asked who is going to fly the drone. I said me. She asked if I have ever flown a drone. I said no. She asked what happens if it lands on the neighbor’s roof. I said that is a problem for the neighbor.
about five hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
I want to make brisket. Not now. Eventually. The smoker needs to be seasoned. That takes time. So I should buy it now so it is ready when I am ready. Donna says I have never made brisket. I say I have never had a smoker. These are two different problems. The smoker solves one of them.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
We can watch movies on the side of the house. It is a big screen. It is free. The side of the house is already there. We do not need a television. We do not need a wall mount. We need a projector. Donna asked about the sound. I said the projector has a speaker. She asked if it is a good speaker. I said it is a speaker. She asked if we already have a television. I said this is different. This is outside.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
This is for the parties. We do not have parties. But if we did, we would need a disco ball. I am planning ahead. Donna says I am planning a party I have not been invited to. I say I am hosting the party. She says that is worse. I say the disco ball is small. It fits on a shelf. It is not a commitment. It is a mood.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
The kids should see the stars. I have not checked if they want to see the stars. I am assuming. I saw a documentary about Saturn. It was very moving. I want to feel that again. I can feel it for two hundred dollars. Donna says the kids have screens. I say the stars are a screen. She says that does not make sense. I say it makes sense to me.
about nine hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.2.
I will walk every morning. I have said this before. I said it about the bicycle. The bicycle is in the garage. The garage is not a treadmill. The treadmill folds up. That is the key feature. When I am not using it, I can fold it. The bicycle does not fold. This is an upgrade.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.5.
Donna does all the vacuuming. I want to help. I am helping by buying this. It will vacuum for her. She will not have to vacuum. She will only have to empty the bin. That is a small task. She says she will still have to vacuum the stairs. I say the stairs are a separate problem. She says the stairs are part of the house. I say the robot does not know that.
about two hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 2.8.
Music sounds better on vinyl. I read that somewhere. I did not read it. I heard it. Someone said it. I believe it. I do not have any records. I will buy records. That is a separate budget. Donna asked what the separate budget is. I said it is the record budget. She asked what that number is. I said the number is flexible. She said that is not a number. I said it is a feeling.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.0.
I have a button missing on a shirt. I have had a button missing on a shirt for two years. This machine fixes that. It also fixes many future buttons. It pays for itself. Donna asked how many buttons a person loses in a lifetime. I said enough. She asked if I have ever used a sewing machine. I said I have watched one. She said that is not the same. I said it is almost the same.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.2.
Everything in the garage will have a label. The bins will be labeled. The shelves will be labeled. I will know where everything is. Donna will know where everything is. We will be a labeled household. She asked if I would label the label maker. I said I would label the label maker. She said that is the first useful thing I have said.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 3.5.
The kids want to camp. I want to camp. The backyard is right there. We do not need a reservation. We do not need a drive. We need a tent. Donna says the kids have not asked to camp. I say they will ask when they see the tent. She says that is manipulative. I say that is parenting.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 3.7.
My keyboard is fine. This keyboard is better. It has lights. The lights help me type at night. Donna says I do not type at night. I say I will start. She says I will not. I say I might. She says I will not. I say the keyboard is good for my wrists. She says my wrists are fine. I say they are fine now.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 3.9.
Two trees in the yard are the right distance apart. I have not measured. I can see it. The hammock goes between them. I will read in the hammock. I will think in the hammock. I will nap in the hammock. Donna says I do not nap. I say the hammock will change that. She says the hammock will not change that. I say the hammock is cheap. She says the hammock is eighty dollars. I say the hammock is an investment in rest.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
Movie nights need popcorn. The microwave popcorn is fine. This is better. It has a kettle. It has a warming tray. It has a cart. Donna asked where the cart would go. I said the living room. She said the living room is for living. I said we will be living in the living room. That is why it is called that.
about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 4.1.
The blackberry bushes are out of control. I need to clear them. The clippers are not enough. The machete is the tool for the job. Donna asked if I have ever used a machete. I said I have seen movies. She said that is not training. I said it is inspiration. She said she does not want me near the blackberry bushes with a machete. I said the blackberry bushes are on our property. She said that is not the point.
about seventy dollars. Shark rating 4.2.
It is small. It is portable. It is cheerful. I want the family to play music together. Donna does not play an instrument. I do not play an instrument. The kids do not play instruments. But we could learn. The ukulele is the easiest instrument to learn. I read that somewhere. I did not read it. I heard it. Someone said it. I believe it.
about one hundred and eighty dollars. Shark rating 4.3.
We need a place to gather. The fire pit is that place. We will sit around it. We will talk. We will not look at our phones. We will look at the fire. Donna asked if we have firewood. I said we can buy firewood. She asked what that costs. I said it is part of the fire pit experience. She said the fire pit experience is getting expensive. I said the fire pit experience is priceless.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 4.4.
Friday night pizza. It becomes a tradition. The kids will remember it forever. They will say, remember when Dad made pizza in the backyard? They will say that at their weddings. Donna says they will say, remember when Dad bought a pizza oven and used it twice? I said that is a negative attitude. She said that is a realistic attitude. I said the pizza oven is realistic.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 4.5.
The kids should learn strategy. Chess teaches strategy. I know how to play. I have not played in twenty years. But I know the rules. I can teach them. Donna asked if I would let them win. I said yes. She asked if that teaches strategy. I said it teaches confidence. She said it teaches them that I am bad at chess.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 4.6.
It goes in the garage. The garage is for projects. This is a project. I will hang it. I will throw darts. I will get better. Donna asked about the holes in the wall. I said the dartboard catches the darts. She asked about the darts that miss. I said I will not miss. She asked what happens when I miss. I said we will patch the holes. She said we will not. I said we will.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 4.7.
Stress relief. I need stress relief. Work is stressful. The traffic is stressful. The news is stressful. The punching bag is cheaper than a therapist. Donna says a therapist would help me understand why I am buying a punching bag. I said that is exactly what the punching bag is for. She said that is not how therapy works. I said I am not a therapist.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 4.8.
Fun for the whole family. The kids love music. I love music. Donna loves music. We can sing together. Donna asked if I have heard myself sing. I said yes. She asked if that was a positive experience. I said it was not. She asked why I want a karaoke machine. I said because the kids should sing. She said the kids do not want to sing. I said they will want to sing.
about two hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
There is treasure in the yard. There has to be. The house is old. Old houses have old things. Old things are buried. I will find them. I will find a coin. The coin will be worth something. The metal detector pays for itself. Donna asked what if I find a nail. I said a nail is also a find. She said a nail is a nail. I said a nail is history. She said a nail is a nail.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
We need to know the weather. The weather app is fine. But this is our weather. This is the weather in our yard. The temperature in our yard. The wind speed in our yard. The rain in our yard. Donna asked why we need to know the weather in our yard. I said because we live in our yard. She said we live in the house. I said the house is in the yard.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The birds need food. We have a responsibility. We took away their habitat. The least we can do is give them a feeder. Donna asked if the birds were here before we were. I said yes. She asked if they survived before we put up a feeder. I said they did. She asked if they need us. I said they do not. She asked why we are doing this. I said because it is nice. She said that is the first honest answer I have given.
about one hundred and eighty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The sound of water is calming. I want to be calm. Donna wants me to be calm. This helps everyone. It goes in the garden. It plugs in. It recirculates. It is self-contained. Donna asked about the electricity. I said it is a small pump. She asked about the winter. I said we bring it inside. She asked where. I said the garage. She said the garage is full. I said we will make room.
about four hundred dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The dining room needs a focal point. The dining room is where we eat. We eat every day. We should eat under something beautiful. Donna says the current light is fine. I say the current light is a builder-grade fixture. She says the builder-grade fixture has worked for fifteen years. I say it has worked. It has not inspired. She says she does not need to be inspired at dinner. I say I do.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The living room echoes. The rug absorbs the echo. The rug ties the room together. I have heard that. Everyone says that. It is true. Donna asked what it ties it to. I said the floor. She said the floor is already tied to the room. I said the rug is the bow. She said that is not a real thing. I said it is a real thing.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The corner is dark. I want to read in the corner. The lamp makes the corner light. Donna asked if I read. I said I would read more if the corner was light. She said that is a lie. I said it is a reason. She said it is an excuse. I said it is a lamp.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The books are in boxes. The boxes are in the garage. The books should be on shelves. The shelves should be in the house. Donna asked if I have read the books. I said I have read some of the books. She asked which ones. I said the ones I have read. She asked why the rest are in boxes. I said because I have not read them yet. She said that is a lot of not yet. I said that is a lot of bookshelf.
about three hundred dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
This is a regular vacuum. Not a robot. A regular one. For the stairs. Donna said the robot cannot do the stairs. I said I know. She said we need a regular vacuum. I said I know. She said why did I buy the robot. I said the robot was for the floors. She said the floors are fine. I said the stairs are not. She said the stairs have never been vacuumed. I said that is why we need the vacuum.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
Smoothies. I will make smoothies. Donna will drink smoothies. The kids will drink smoothies. We will be a smoothie family. Donna asked what is wrong with the current blender. I said nothing is wrong with it. She asked why I need a new one. I said the new one is better. She asked how. I said it blends better. She asked if the old one blends. I said it blends. She asked if it blends smoothies. I said it does. She said then it is a blender. I said this is a better blender.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The current toaster has four slots. This toaster has four slots and a bagel button. Donna asked if we eat bagels. I said we could eat bagels. She said we do not eat bagels. I said the bagel button is not just for bagels. She asked what else it is for. I said it is for confidence. She said that is not a feature. I said it is a feature.
about one hundred dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The current coffee maker works. This one has a timer. I can set it the night before. The coffee is ready when I wake up. Donna asked who wakes up first. I said I do. She asked if I make the coffee. I said I do. She asked if I would set the timer. I said I would. She asked if I remember to set the timer on the current one. I said there is no timer on the current one. She said that is my point. I said that is exactly my point.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The current knives are dull. Dull knives are dangerous. Sharp knives are safe. I read that somewhere. I believe it. Donna asked if I would sharpen the current knives. I said I would. She asked if I have. I said I have not. She asked why. I said because I need a sharpener. She said the knife set comes with a sharpener. I said that is why I need the knife set.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
This is a large cutting board. It has a juice groove. Donna asked what a juice groove is. I said it catches the juice. She asked what juice. I said the juice from the meat. She asked if I cook meat. I said I will cook meat. She said the juice groove is a promise I cannot keep. I said the juice groove is a promise I can keep.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The current dish rack is rusty. It leaves rust stains on the counter. Donna asked how long it has been rusty. I said a while. She asked why I did not replace it. I said I am replacing it now. She said now is a while later. I said now is better than never. She said that is true. That was the first time she agreed with me.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
The sponge sits in a puddle. The puddle is bacteria. The holder lifts the sponge out of the puddle. The sponge stays dry. The sponge lasts longer. Donna asked if I have ever replaced a sponge. I said I have not. She said you are not supposed to keep a sponge forever. I said that is why I need the holder. She said you need a new sponge. I said I will buy a new sponge. She said just buy the damn sponge holder.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
We are out of dish soap. We are out of sponges. This is not a want. This is a need. This is the whole point. This is what the money is for. Donna asked if this is what I cancelled Prime for. I said yes. She asked if I bought it on Amazon. I said yes. She asked if I needed Prime to buy it. I said no. She asked if I needed Prime to buy the kayak. I said the kayak is different. She said the kayak is the same. I said the kayak is a kayak.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
I need socks. The socks I have are fine. But new socks are better. They are soft. They stay up. They do not have holes. Donna asked how many pairs of socks I own. I said I do not know. She said count them. I said I will not count them. She said then you cannot know if you need new ones. I said I need new ones. She said that is not an argument. I said it is the only argument. She said fine. Buy the socks.
I have spent three hundred and forty dollars on Amazon this week. I saved fifteen dollars by cancelling Prime. Donna asked me to explain the math. I said the math is complicated. She said the math is not complicated. I said the math is a journey. She said the journey is a circle. I said the circle is full of stuff.