I cancelled QuickBooks Online. It was about thirty dollars a month, or roughly three hundred and sixty dollars a year. That money is now going to a more personal accounting department. The department is my neighbor’s kid, a calculator, and me saying we can figure it out later. Donna asked if the kid is bonded. I said he is saving for a bike, which is a kind of bond.
about two thousand eight hundred dollars. Shark rating 0.4.
Accounting needs a dedicated structure. The yurt goes in the yard, near the grill, and keeps the department away from the house. A yurt is a tent that has decided to be a building. That is the accounting department I want. This is a terrible rating. I stand by it.
Donna said, “We are not putting a yurt in the yard.” I said, “It is an office yurt.” She said, “That is worse.”
about two hundred and forty dollars. Shark rating 0.6.
The kid uses a calculator, but an abacus is the backup system. If the power goes out, we can still count. The gold finish is not decorative. It tells clients we respect old methods and have no shame.
about four hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 0.7.
We do not have cash yet. The machine is for when we do. It counts faster than a kid and does not ask for a snack. Donna says this is a machine for a business that exists. I say it is a machine for a business that is coming.
about ninety-five dollars. Shark rating 0.9.
Some documents are heavy. Some are light. The scale tells us which tray they go in. It also makes the desk look like a place where decisions are weighed. That is worth something. I do not know what, but the scale can tell us.
about three hundred and eighty dollars. Shark rating 0.9.
I do not write many checks. When I do, my hand shakes from the responsibility. The machine signs them with a steady hand. The kid can operate it after I explain which end is the pen.
about sixty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.1.
Receipts need a home that looks like literature. The safe sits on the shelf with the other books. Donna will not find it because she does not read my books. This is the first time that has been useful.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 1.2.
The kid will make mistakes. I will make bigger ones. The shredder turns both into confetti. I told Donna this is a confidentiality tool. She asked what is confidential. I said the receipt from the yurt.
about eighteen dollars. Shark rating 1.3.
This is the original database. You put the receipt on the spike. Later you look at the spike. The kid understands it because it looks like a weapon. Donna does not like it on the kitchen table. I have moved it to the counter.
about thirty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.4.
Every folder needs a label. Every drawer needs a label. The kid needs a label. Not on the kid, on his drawer. This is how a real accounting department avoids confusion. Also, I want to label the yurt.
about forty-five dollars. Shark rating 1.6.
Accounting is not local anymore. I do not know if we have foreign clients. The globe says we are ready. The kid spins it when he is thinking. I told him not to spin it during tax work. He said he was thinking about taxes.
about three hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 1.7.
A department needs a door. The yurt is not a department with a door. The door goes on the house office. This is an interior door, so it closes. Donna asked why we need a door if the department is in the yard. I said the door is for privacy when the department visits.
about seven hundred dollars. Shark rating 1.8.
The kid and I need a place to review the numbers. A table makes it a meeting. A meeting makes it official. I do not know how many people it seats. There are two of us. The other seats are for growth.
about four hundred dollars for two. Shark rating 1.8.
Clients need somewhere to wait. We do not have clients. The kid can wait there between calculations. It gives him a sense of career progression.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 1.9.
Accounting is about time. The clock tells us when it is time to stop. I do not always stop. The clock also covers the hole in the wall from the office door. Donna says that is not what clocks are for. I say clocks are for many things.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 2.0.
Mine says Steve. The kid’s says Associate. This is a promotion from neighbor’s kid. It costs less than a raise. Donna asked when I am getting an Associate. I said when the yurt has a door.
about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 2.1.
A personal accounting department needs a personal card. The card says Steve, Accounting. I do not have a last name on it because I want to seem mysterious. Donna says I seem like a guy with a yurt. That is the same thing, roughly.
about one hundred and twenty dollars. Shark rating 2.3.
The receipts have to travel from the house to the yurt. A briefcase says the receipts are important. A plastic bag says the receipts are trash. I have made that mistake before. Donna remembers.
about one hundred and eighty dollars. Shark rating 2.4.
The book safe is full. The receipt spike is full. The kid is full of ideas. The cabinet is where paper goes when we are done pretending to look at it. This is the backbone of the department.
about thirty-five dollars. Shark rating 2.6.
The cabinet is not fireproof. The bag is. If the house burns, I can grab the bag and the kid. The kid is not fireproof either. This is why we need the bag.
about two hundred dollars. Shark rating 2.7.
Paper comes in. Paper must become a picture. The picture goes on the computer. The computer goes on the desk. The desk is under the monitor stand. This is a system. Donna asked why I do not just use the phone. I said the phone is not a scanner. She said it is. I said the scanner is more personal.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 2.9.
Some documents need to last. The tax checklist. The yurt warranty. The note that says do not let Donna see the yurt warranty. Lamination makes a document permanent and hard to fold. I like both.
about sixty dollars. Shark rating 3.1.
We need to write the plan where the kid can see it. The plan is: count the money, write down the money, do not spend the money on a yurt. The last part is a work in progress. The whiteboard helps.
about thirty-five dollars. Shark rating 3.2.
The whiteboard is for plans. The bulletin board is for notices. The notice says the kitchen is not the accounting department. Donna asked who wrote it. I said the kid. The kid said I wrote it. This is an accountability problem. The bulletin board is accountability.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 3.4.
There are pens, clips, and a tiny drawer for things I do not want to think about. The organizer keeps them separate. Donna once put me on an Amazon diet. This is not a snack. This is office equipment. She said that is a loophole. I said it is a drawer.
about forty dollars. Shark rating 3.5.
The monitor should be at eye level. The kid is shorter than me. The stand makes the monitor taller. It also makes room underneath for the keyboard. This is ergonomics. Donna said I do not have a monitor. I said I am buying the stand first.
about fifty dollars. Shark rating 3.7.
The kid types numbers. I type explanations. The explanations need a keyboard that feels serious. This one has keys. That is most of what I need. Donna asked what is wrong with the old keyboard. I said it is in the yurt.
about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 3.8.
The accounting department needs a mouse. The kid uses the calculator. I use the mouse. Together we cover two methods. Donna says the mouse is not a method. I said it is a peripheral method.
about forty-five dollars. Shark rating 3.9.
Accounting happens at night because that is when I remember things. The lamp keeps the numbers lit. It also makes the yurt look occupied, which is good for security. The kid says it is not a real office. I turned on the lamp and said it is now.
about twenty-five dollars. Shark rating 4.0.
There are a lot of things to plug in. The scanner, the printer, the lamp, the monitor stand that I bought before the monitor. One surge can take the whole department. I do not know what a surge is. I know I do not want one.
about eighty dollars. Shark rating 4.1.
The scanned pictures go on the computer. The computer could fail. The hard drive holds the pictures after the computer fails. This is called backup. I have backed up the receipts. I have not backed up the yurt.
about one hundred and fifty dollars. Shark rating 4.3.
We need to print the tax forms. The kid says the forms are online. I say the kid is online. The printer makes the forms real. Donna says a printer is a normal thing to own. I am putting that in the minutes.
about thirty dollars. Shark rating 4.4.
The printer needs paper. The paper needs a place to live. The place is the filing cabinet. This is the supply chain. The kid says it is a ream. I say it is a department.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 4.5.
When the forms are printed, they must be attached. The stapler attaches them. The kid can use it if I show him the sharp part. Donna says he is a child. I say he is in accounting.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 4.6.
Not everything should be stapled. Some things should be clipped. The difference is judgment. The binder clips teach judgment. Also, they are good for closing the chips. Donna said we do not have chips. I said not yet.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 4.7.
The cabinet needs folders. The folders need labels. The labels need the label maker. The label maker needs a label. This is not a circle. This is a filing system. Donna said it sounds like a circle. I said the folders are the end.
about twelve dollars. Shark rating 4.8.
At some point we mail something. The envelope is how paper leaves the department with dignity. The kid asked who we mail things to. I said the government. He asked if the government has an address. I said the envelope will know.
about fifteen dollars. Shark rating 4.9.
The kid does the math in pencil. I do the signing in pen. A real accounting department needs pens that do not smudge. Donna said, “Just buy the damn pens.” I said I was getting to it. I was. It is on the list after envelopes.
about twenty dollars. Shark rating 5.0.
This is the department. The kid punches the numbers. The numbers light up. I say, see, that is more personal than software. The kid says the software would have done the taxes. I say the software would not have asked how his bike is coming along. He said the bike is fine. I said that is the personal touch. Donna looked at the calculator, then at the yurt, then at me. She said we are not keeping the yurt. The kid asked if he still has a job. I said the department is lean. The calculator is the one thing here that does exactly what it says.